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webmaster@craigslist.org on Feb 03, 2010 12:21PM

Computer repairman

Does your computer not work as well as it used it, but you are scared to bring it to someone to get it fixed because you don't want anyone seeing what you've downloaded?
I fix computers for under $100. Completely confidential, i don't even look at your files. I just wipe out the hard drive and and reinstall windows. Your computer will be as good as new.

• Location: Staten Island
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 03, 2010 06:26PM

Prepare now for next Christmas!

'Twas the week after Christmas,and all through the house
the decorations came down with no help from my spouse.
The stockings were packed in their boxes with care
right next to the ornaments that I had placed there.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
a bunch of leftover ornaments and other good gear.
Some candles, some holders, a stocking kit to sew,
now, needing good homes, were layed out in a row.
They're ready for next year to spruce up your house,
so many cute things, maybe even a mouse.
So drop me a line that is ever so merry
with your number to call to come over and carry
The best little box, full of holiday cheer.
Happy New Year to all, and a great Craigslisting Year!

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 02, 2010 08:05AM

The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed

So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other “partner” felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn’t her. Now, despite the fact that you’ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college. You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn’t let you have the remote, would she?) You’re not exactly at the top of your game, but what’s worse is that you don’t know where the kids will sleep.

Yea, the kids. They still love you. They want to come and see you. They did nothing wrong. But now you have nowhere (other than the couch) for them to sleep.

Sound familiar? Well then have I got a deal for you. Feast your eyes upon the Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed.

You see, it will get better. The wheels of karmic justice may grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine. You will reconstruct your ego, and your life. Then you’ll slowly start having a social life. You’ll fix some of those things about yourself you always wanted to fix but didn’t have the time/energy because you were so busy being provider/husband/father. You’ll meet a brilliant and gorgeous woman who, coincidentally, happens to be much younger than you. You’ll fall in love. For her part, your ex will fall into bankruptcy, get all sorts of inappropriate tattoos, and basically ruin her own life without any help from you. But the first step to all of that is having somewhere for the kids to sleep. That’s where the bunkbed comes in.

As you can see from the picture, it’s steel framed, relatively new, comes with two mattresses, and the bottom bunk is a couch until you pull it out into a futon. So here is the scale:

If any or all of this applies to you, if you are the one who was cheated (male or female) on and you STILL had to move out and need somewhere for your kids to sleep: $75 and hell, I’ll throw in some pillows for you.

If you are a single mother or father, perhaps for other reasons, it’s still a bargain at $100

If you are a young couple, working hard to make ends meet but doing pretty well, with your whole lives in front of you: $101

If you are the one who cheated in your marriage/partnership, the one who had to leave the house because you could not stop your libido from overruling your vows: $3,275. And I get to punch you in the face. In fact, I'll probably do that anyway, on the principle of the thing.

• Location: Capitol Hill
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 02, 2010 12:41AM

World's most uncomfortable saddle

Like a ghastly specter from your darkest nightmare, this saddle has returned from the grave seeking vengeance. Its previous master thought it had banished it to the blackness of the abyss for good, but nay, it was only for an epoch.

Features:
*Steel rails forged by LUCIFER himself
*Genuine Auroch hide seat provides maximum chafing

I am reaching the end of my strength, as the madness contained within this dark artifact threatens to consume me. I cannot merely throw this adamantine saddle on the rubbish heap, lest some unwary passerby become transfixed by its lightless glow. No, I must only give this to one with the courage to look into the bloodshot eyes of insanity, and the strength to master it. A wizard with the cunning to master this beast gains an ally of unspeakable power: the ultimate theft deterrent. At the moment the thief straddles your steed, his fate is sealed. Eager for revenge upon mortals, the saddle will visit his arse with blisters that rival the torment of fire and brimstone... a dire lesson he will not soon forget. This same fate will befall any unworthy mortal who in his arrogance, attempts to mount the saddle of doom. Are you worthy?

• Location: Green Lake
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 01, 2010 08:21PM

penis caught in my zipper at el biet - m4w

i had just gone in for a normal pee, but the way you pounded, and pounded, and pounded on the door screaming "out! i have diarrhea! out! for the love of god come out, its coming out of my butt, pleeeeease!!!" got me so turned on that i got an erection. then, because your kicking started splintering the door, i quickly yanked up my zipper and caught my penis up in the process. i'm sorry again for the screaming as you pushed me down and sat down with the door hanging off it's hinges, but the look of sheer horror and embarrassment we shared in front of the staff and other patrons looking on before you ran out the back door and climbed over the fence has captured my heart. please describe what i was wearing so i know its you.

• Location: williamsburg
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 01, 2010 04:20PM

obnoxious drunk irish guy at the workless party on NYE - w4m

We were hitting it off at first and even shared a New Years kiss. You were pretty hot and had a sexy accent. I would have gone home with you (hey, it's new years!) had you not turned out to be such an obnoxious creep. I don't know how it works in Ireland, but here are a few tips for us in Canada.

1. The way to a girls heart is not to ask her if she is a lesbian simply because she doesn't enjoy your stumbly smelly drunk friend trying to grind with her when she is completely sober and there is no one else dancing.
2. The way to a girls heart is not to point out your hard-on to her every five seconds. Yes, I know it's there and yes it's mildly flattering. But we don't need to keep talking about it. Maybe you could have offered to buy me a drink or tell me I was pretty.
3. The way to a get a girl to come home with you is not to angrily storm into coat check, pushing over the rack of coats, cutting in front of a huge line of people and loudly demanding "THIS CHICKS COAT RIGHT NOW PLEASE BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TAKE CARE OF KNOW WHAT I MEAN OI?"
4. And...when I was taking care of my friend who was puking....it was so nice to have you there beside us in the alley, staring at us and asking me if "she was done yet" when I clearly already told you that you had blown your chances and that I was going to stay with my friend. Thanks for coming back multiple times and staring at us from around the corner when you thought we weren't looking. That's class right there.
5. Coming up to me later and yelling "IM GONNA FUCK YOUR FACE" was also much appreciated, the cherry on top of an otherwise excellent night!!!!11

The sad thing is the jerk who this is meant for probably won't see this ad and will continue sexually harrassing women during his stay in our country, but maybe someone else could use the pointers.
Regardless, I had a pretty good time on NYE. It was nice to go out and spend it in the company of my best friend even though she was sick. You know who you are, love you!

• Location: commercial drive
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 01, 2010 03:15PM

ANTIQUE hand crank Womens vibrating dildo

Amazing condition for being over (70 years old) but still works great .
Was my great Grandma's, and passed down to my grandma, and then to my mother.
my wife was not interested in it so I need to sell ASAP need money for christmas.

--------------------thank you---------------------
Hennry j

• Location: nutley park
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Jan 01, 2010 02:40PM

To the diminutive lesbian who slept in my bed last night

Hey it's me, the random guy you followed home like some sort of drunken puppy dog.

First of all, thank you for not stealing my stuff while I was asleep. I woke up this morning and you were gone, but you left your North Face vest. Email me with your name and we'll figure out a way to get it back to you.

I'm also curious as to why both pockets are filled with beer bottle caps. Are you going to glue them to a table top, or do you just hoard things?

And I'm still kind of mad at you for preventing us both from going home with that girl we were making out with. I mean, that shit was in the bag til your drunk ass ruined it. sigh. Anyway, I'm giving your vest away to the shortest girl I know if you don't find this and message me.

Good luck!

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 15, 2009 06:26PM

A quick note about boobs - m4w

Memo to Female Readers --

I'm just curious if you know this -- guys will do pretty much anything in order to play with your boobs. You know this already, right? Sometimes I wonder, given all the emotional and logistical acrobatics you go through.

In fact, if you end your MC posts with ..."oh, and you can play with my boobs, too," you'll most likely find what you're looking for. That's when the real misery and disappointment begins, however, but that's outside the scope of this quick, heartfelt, holiday memo.

Okay. Carry on.

Love,

Michael

• Location: interoffice memo
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 13, 2009 02:44PM

Teach me how to kiss - w4m

I need a guy to teach me how to kiss. Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out. I’ll give you five dollars, so it’ll be like earning a dollar a minute. Think about it, there’s a recession going on. Who wouldn’t want five dollars in times like these? If money doesn’t appeal to you, I’d be more than happy to do your homework for you (I’m Asian).

I prefer a guy who doesn’t have bad breath, open sores, or a mental disorder. Also, it’d be nice if you’re not a geriatric (30+ yrs) or jailbait (-18 yrs).

Just a warning, there’s a strong possibility that I may run away mid-kiss. Please don’t take offense, and you can keep the five dollars.

Please respond with a picture, I want to make sure you don’t have any lesions or swollen lymph nodes.

:)

• Location: Virginia Beach
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 11, 2009 01:01PM

We shared a cab, you hit me in the face. - m4w

Hi! I am almost 100% positive you remember me. I was standing in the cab line for about 15 minutes in 1 degree weather, and then you and your girlfriend ran in front of me in the cab line right as my cab, that I had been waiting so long for out in the ball shivering cold, arrived. Now I admit, I am a nice guy, and women get to take advantage of me quite often, but that said I haven't been laid in months, and when that happens, I somehow feel that the goddess of feminine nurture and chivalry can... how do I put this? Suck my six inch piano player. This is the point where I told the cabby what you girls did, and informed him that he was throwing away the very long cab ride to Erie as well as his moral saint 1-month chip. At this point he had the very bad... very bad idea to give me (a drunken narcissist, in the right) a ride with the girls who shunted me most literally to the curb. This is where the sh*t show began. Your friend and you are both very attractive, but nevertheless I have become accustomed to, when necessary, seeing only the ugly souls of the monsters who arrogantly think they can get whatever they want. The cussing, the womanizing, the abuse, the screaming, and everything that ensued for the next 15 minutes, is unlike me. However I was not alone in this endevor, in fact I would go as far as to say that it was YOU two who did most of the screaming, and abusing. Nevertheless I stood up to the both of you. I let you know exactly how sh*tty it was to leave a stranger to freeze for the sake of your own toes. And although I am a tired soul, tired of fighting petty battles with girls, there are times when the wild thing from my youth finds the perfect combination of irritation and gravel to carve a path to the surface and cuss you the f*ck out. So I did. Somewhere along the way you hit me, good and hard across the face for addressing you by your lady parts. I probably deserved it. But even so, when your friend got out of the car, the attitude from the back seat was cut in half. This reduction in calamity is what made me flip around, to see you face to face for the next 10 minute drive to your home, perched on my knees, and just listen. I watched as you blasted me with insults and be-ration, never admitting nor denying that you intended to leave me on the cold cabby curb.Your visage melted from rage into a pool of confusion as I just sat there and listened. By the end, you were reduced to a puddle of tears, and as gratifying as it was, it is these empty moments that remind me why I hush my inner child to sleep, and open the door for you, and hold your purse, and buy you presents, and walk your dog, and keep you warm, and give you kind smiles. When you exited the cab, my body took me over, I hopped out and gave a "Hey!". You turned around, and I threw my arms out. "I'm Sorry!". You sheepishly just looked to me, and through the tears came a genuine moment. A deep smile. Full of the confusion and joy that comes with being twenty-something. I just wanted to say I appreciated that smile. In it, you told me that you were okay, that we are only human, that you value people over right and wrong. Expect to have a beer on me if I ever see you again.....

• Location: cab stand on pearl
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 10, 2009 03:49PM

To the slow winter drivers

Are you intimidated by winter driving? What the hell are you doing up here then? Do you know where you are? This isn't the fucking jungle or desert.

You inevitably pull out in front of me when there's no one behind me, and you could've waited another 15 seconds to not make anyone slam on their brakes on ice and snow. You then continue to drive really slow, say less than half the speed limit. No one in their right mind would pass someone on roads with a 2 ft snow drift in the median during a snow storm. So, I'm stuck behind you until you pull into whatever casino, bingo hall, party, or wherever you're headed that's OK be late to. Yes, I realize that driving on slippery roads and in low visibility can be scary, so I appreciate you driving within your limits. However, don't pull out in front of a car when you know you're not going to at least go the speed limit! Just wait another 30 seconds maybe (since you obviously aren't in a hurry anyway), and you won't ruin someone elses' day. Also, when you see a line of cars 30-50 deep trapped behind you, you don't have to speed up, no, but you SHOULD pull over to let some by. You're obviously doing a really shitty job of setting the pace on this "not-safe-for-passing" road. Do us ALL a favor and let us get to our families, jobs, and real obligations, and pull the fuck over for fuck's sake! It's a common courtesy. If the shoulder has been replaced by a 14 ft wall of plowed snow (as we all know happens up here), find a decently plowed side road to pull on to for a minute. Don't be surprised or offended when you get 25 middle fingers and 37 horns out of the 50 cars you fucked for the last hour and a half that are now passing you.

Here are some tips for you that will make both of our lives easier:

1. Your winter driving confidence will grow 10 fold if you get rid of that 1994 Buick front wheel drive and get something with all wheel drive. You don't need a huge truck or SUV, but just something that actually gets some traction. Try a used Subaru. They're all wheel drive, cheap, and fuel efficient.

2. Go practice in an empty parking lot, and see what exactly your limits are and those of your vehicle. You won't get arrested for sliding around an empty parking lot Sunday evening outside of town.

3. You don't want to give up your front wheel drive Buick? Get some snow tires! At least for the front two wheels, but better yet all of your wheels could use them. You will be amazed at what a good set of snow tires actually do for your driving and confidence. There's a reason why they're popular up here.

4. Wait until the last car passes before pulling on to the road. See above. Shit!

5. Stay the fuck home! Visibility to low? Too windy? Icy roads? Then don't drive to the casino to lose another $200 bucks out of your $300 paycheck and jeopardize the roads for the rest of us. Stay home and watch game shows and beat your wife/husband/dog or whatever you sleep with at night.

6. Don't like option #5? Take a cab! Believe it or not, these guys are good at winter driving. They do this for a living and they're really quite nice people. Besides, the cab ride to the casino or bingo hall will only cost a fraction of what you'll lose once you get there. Plus you save the embarrassment of getting flipped off by grandma in the Ford Expedition while passing you.

7. Move to the South. I bet you'd fit in there anyway. Not sure what their casino scene is like, but you'll find some other unintelligent way to lose money. You can keep your Buick, too!

I realize the people who are actually the offenders are probably not going to read this, at least not many of them. First you have to get a computer. Then resist the urge to pawn it for casino money. If you know any of these assholes, tell them what you think about following them at 20 mph on Highway 41 or M28 for two goddamn hours. Thanks!

I'll see you on the road!

• Location: Western UP
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 09, 2009 09:32AM

for your enjoyment

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard. Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time. So it was fun while it lasted! "

• Location: Kentwood
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 09, 2009 03:11AM

Our Connection is Over

I post this to an open forum, to purge these words from me so they can exist somewhere concrete, out in the Universe, instead of eating away at the corner of my mind when it gets dark and everyone else goes home with whoever they're loving or fucking or both if they're lucky. But it's winter now, so the season of long patio nights and random hookups and breathlessly exciting flings and sweaty sheets and sleepless nights has officially come to a close until the next turn of the seasons. In short, I can no longer distract myself from your absence.

You were my best friend. There were others before, and others after, but most of them only served to help me situate and recognize your importance in my life. If ever I get that close to another, I fear they will know me only as I am now, and not as how I got here. You have been my reflection, borne witness to me, helped me gauge my own growth in this long and convoluted life. Four different cities for you, two for me. Two countries on opposite sides of the world in different hemispheres. Plane tickets, train rides, international calling plans, endless conversation, anticipation, disappointment, breakups, makeups, death. Four years. My entire University career. I am indelibly marked with your presence.

And now nothing. I felt no more fireworks when we kissed. I pulled away, sickened with myself for trying to fake it. I couldn't fuck you like I meant it anymore. You noticed. You left.

And now, I am not lost. I am not sad and I am not afraid. But something has died. I do not love, or laugh, or notice color. I hate the music you like now. I hate myself for not loving you enough. You did nothing wrong, except maybe love me too much, too well. Even at the end, when our hearts were so twisted up we were spitting words unrecognizable to each other, even then you were too good to say what we were both thinking- that I won't find anyone else who loved me as you did. And you're right. Because the kind of love I had with you, the one that remakes your soul into something better, and forces you to recognize and honor the humanity in another person- that kind of love isn't what I'm looking for. I'm going for the cheap ones now. The guys with square jaws and big arms and small brains. They haven't read any philosophy, or possess the gift of playful banter, or looked me in the eyes and focused on my soul. I am not doing Us justice. I am taking the easy way. I am disgusting myself.

This is what's meant by falling out of love with someone. This is why half the world walks around heartbroken, glazed over, given up. I almost put that ring on and pretended everything was ok, but you didn't smell right anymore.

What Now.

• Location: Calgary
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 08, 2009 04:09AM

Be my John Roberts - w4m

You're cordial to me when we see each other around school or at the bars, but I'm looking for more than a "hello" and a smile these days. I need a little something to relieve some stress during exams. Be my Chief Justice and grant cert to this appeal (for hot, hot loving).

You: Mid twenties, sort of messy parted brownish hair, dressed like a grownup frat boy, slightly nerdy (but hey, it's law school, I'm a sucker for bad jokes and watching Jeopardy before/after/during sex. "I'll take consent for $800 Alex.").

Me: Same general age. If looks were grades, I'd probably be summering at a decent firm. Maybe not Wachtell, but certainly not DUI defense in Detroit either. I have a laptop, drink from a reusable water bottle, and sometimes wear Uggs to school when I'm studying.

If you feel the same way (and want to join me for some Rule 19 Joinder of Parties), go to Phyllis's desk and ask if she knows where to find a good hornbook. She'll give you all the information you need.

• Location: Vanderbilt Law Library
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 06, 2009 06:09PM

Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup

In the spirit of the season, I thought I’d create a holiday-themed quiz to weed out the bad elves. After all, nothing says Christmas like craigslist, right?

1. We’re having drinks at a Belgian bar on our first date, and we both get too tipsy (darn that Tripel Karmeliet). You realize we’re in no condition to continue to conduct an adult conversation, so you suggest:
a.) we keep our plans to go see The Nutcracker and insist the alcohol won’t help put us to sleep.
b.) we head to Koreatown, get even tipsier, and end up doing something we both regret (although let’s be honest here: do you ever really regret belting out Bohemian Rhapsody with tambourine backup?).
c.) we head to your apartment to hook up.
d.) we end our date right there so I don’t think you’re taking advantage of me.

2. I have a holiday party to attend in Hoboken this weekend and I ask you to come with me. You say:
a.) “Sure, sounds like a great time! I can’t wait to travel under that glorious river connecting two beautiful cities. What time should I meet you?”
b.) “Hoboken? Um. You know that’s in New Jersey, don’t you? Okay, fine, I’ll go...but you owe me.”
c.) “No way, babe. I’m not allowed to leave Manhattan under punishment of death.”
d.) “Of course I’ll go!” but at the last second develop a mysterious illness.

3. We’re planning to go ice skating in Central Park, but we wake up to a bitterly cold, yet rainy day. You:
a.) try to convince me to go anyway because we can still have a good time even if our socks are wet and the only other people on the ice are those five year old hockey kids who speed by making you fear for your life.
b.) come up with an alternate plan that involves take-out, hot cocoa, and a whole lot of not getting out of bed.
c.) use the weather as an excuse to cancel our plans and hang out with a friend who just asked you to do something else.
d.) are secretly glad (because you’ve hated ice skating ever since the time you fell and someone skated over your hand) but pretend to be just as upset about it as I am.

4. My good friend has been planning her New Year’s Eve party since June. I’m being unreasonable and trying to get you to come to my party even though you go to your friend’s every year. You handle my crankiness by:
a.) coming to my party and helping the host set up two hours before even though she isn’t dressed yet.
b.) going to your friend’s party but promising to show up to mine ten minutes before midnight and stay the rest of the night.
c.) calling me un-holiday-spirited names and ignoring my apology texts until 2am when you ask me to come to your apartment.
d.) coming to my party just so I won’t be angry.

5. Next Christmas I ask if you want to come to Ohio with me to visit my family. You decide to:
a.) go, bearing presents for all of my siblings, an expensive piece of jewelry for me, and a question for my father.
b.) fly in the day after Christmas so you can see where I got my tendency to speak loudly (it’s not yelling) and we can still make it back to the city for New Year’s.
c.) freak out because I’m smothering you and decide maybe you’re not ready for this level of commitment (and anyway, Ohio? Really?).
d.) not bring up the issue until the flights are just too expensive to be worth it.

6. You scrolled down to see my picture before taking this quiz because:
a.) you wanted to know what color ribbon to put on the jingle bell necklace you’re making for me.
b.) you wanted to make sure I was cute enough to fare well on the hot crazy scale.
c.) you wanted to see if I was hot enough to warrant answering “c” for question 1.
d.) nonsense! You didn’t scroll down first. Why would I automatically assume that? Your finger just slipped on the mouse.

Scoring: Give yourself 3 points for each a., 2 for each b., 1 for each c., and 0 for each d.

0-3: I’m sure you’re a lot of fun when you’re not busy being a dishonest version of what you think girls want. Don’t worry though, because some elves like their partners to appear perfect in public and silently resent them at home.
4-9: Since I took the time to write this quiz, I’m clearly already way more dedicated to our relationship than you are. But it’s okay; I have faith that you will encounter plenty of elves throughout your life who will be thrilled by the challenge and try desperately to change you.
10-15: If you wanted to write me an email that used proper spelling and contained at least five coherent sentences, I’d be happy to stop talking about elves and meet in person at some point. Especially if you’re far from looking like an elf—pointy ears are fine, but I’d love it if you were at least 6’ (because I am close to it).
16-18: You either lied about your answers or are a perfect human being. Either way I’m not interested, but I’m sure somewhere out there is an excessively eager, continually optimistic little elf who will be overjoyed to meet you.

BONUS QUESTIONS:

True or False: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Fill in the blank: The most delicious holiday treat is__________.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 06, 2009 05:56PM

Jealous, controlling 300gb high-speed USB 2.0 hard disk

I've long since upgraded from this unique Buffalo 300gb USB 2.0 external hard disk, and now my loss can possibly be yours, too. I bought this disk around 2005, and it was amazingly massive at the time. What wonderful times we had! Happily storing and retrieving everything I sent over her 480mbit/sec high-speed USB 2.0 link, and me happily accessing it at later dates. But as time went on, my eye turned outwards. There were so many newer, prettier hard drives out there.

I admit it, I dallied. I bought a 250gb portable drive - I rationalized it. It was smaller than this one. I only needed it for when I went out. I'd always come home to my faithful Buffalo. Emboldened by this success, I became quite the rake. First came a pair of identical 500gb Seagate twins, then their younger cousin, a 500gb portable. No matter how much I had, my wanton lust for storage would not be quenched. I became irresponsible, and was known to have immodest flings. I once bought quite a tart of a 1tb disk. I spent the day with her, then returned her to the shop in the morning.

Meanwhile, the Buffalo faithfully put up with it. And then, she started exhibiting some disturbing… inconsistencies. I would plug her in, dutifully waiting for the icon to appear on my desktop. I'd wait, and wait, and wait. I sometimes waited for hours or days, peering at my desktop with slavish attention, groveling for access to my miserable data. She was showing me who was really in control here, and exerting its power. I wanted to leave, but it wouldn't let me. Every time I thought about it, I'd remember all the good times we had - and more importantly, my data, which it jealously guarded.

The end came unexpectedly for her, though I planned it long in advance. I spent a full two weeks sweet-talking. I put her back in a prominent position on my desk, letting the other disks know who was my favorite. We wined and dined, and I showered her with chocolate and roses. One evening, after a particularly romantic night out at Ruth's Chris, I politely asked for access to my files. And she complied… opened right up.

I rushed in and plundered every miserable byte, leaving her magnetic surfaces a desolate, empty expanse.

Things haven't been the same between us. They never can be. Despite all our time together, good and bad, it's time to set her free. I hope you treat each other better than we did.

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webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 05, 2009 11:00PM

The guy who lives below me . . . - m4m

You and your girlfriend live in the apartment below me. I came home about 20 minutes ago and could easily see you bent over the couch getting banged by a dude in your living room. Next time be sure to close your vertical blinds all the way when getting nailed with the lights on, or at least angle them away from the parking lot, or maybe take it into the bedroom. FYI: I hooked up with the same dude a year ago, and though he's got a pretty big tool, he did give me crabs. Yes, I'm sure it is the same dude. His tattoos are unmistakable. Anyway, I suggest a full bottle of Rid-X before the girlfriend gets back in town.

• Location: Raleigh -- Lake Boone Trail
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webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 05, 2009 02:58PM

Once Upon A Hanson Fan

When I was fifteen, I really thought I'd marry Taylor Hanson. No, not just like every other fifteen-year-old Hanson fan, circa 1995, but REALLY.

Plan failed. Now I've found my old, embarrassing collection of Hanson crap and I want it out of my house. Here's what your new collection includes:

- Ten or so VHS tapes of Hanson appearances, including two official Hanson-released tour videos, "Tulsa, Tokyo & The Middle of Nowhere" & "The Road to Albertane." (My mother cannot be blamed for encouraging this obsession.)
- A cassette tape of Hanson radio interviews, songs, crap, etc. (I win for most devoted fan.)
- Four cd cases (cds not included) of their first-released albums. (Sorry, but I still rock out to their Christmas album, "Snowed In.")
- Two BIG albums FULL of Hanson clippings, posters, other crap, etc. (Except the one my mom tore up because I refused to sing my older sister "Happy Birthday" one year.)


If you or any of your "friends" love, once loved, or plan to eventually love this band, PLEASE take this stuff off my hand. It holds enough sentimental value that I don't want to just chuck it into my recyclables bin, and god knows Goodwill won't appreciate the hard work that went into this collection. I mean shit, if you even SORT OF like Hanson, or just want to give your boss the most awesome of joke gifts. TAKE IT. And immediately. I will hand it over happily. Even if you just want to see it all out of morbid curiosity and plan on giving it to a homeless person...

Well, no, don't do that. That's mean. Just take my crap.

• Location: Redlands
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webmaster@craigslist.org on Dec 05, 2009 01:34PM

1500 live ladybugs, accidently bought while drunk, feels bad.

So, after consuming pot brownies and getting a little too drunk on thanksgiving a friend and i decided to buy 1500 live ladybugs from amazon, which was a great idea until they came in the mail. Now they're sitting on my windowsill and I have nothing to really do with them. If i set them free they'll die in this weather, if I leave them on my windowsill they'll die.

So, if you have a greenhouse or some kind of animals to feed them to it'd be awesome. I don't want to ruin 1500 lives.

Email me and tell me what your'e gonna do with them, and if you can come pick them up. And they're yours.

• Location: park slope
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